The Next Step

Sunday morning came quickly.  I think both of us ended up sleeping for short periods of time but nothing great.  At 9 am we met with the OB specialist Dr. Van Eerden at Sanford who deals with preterm births and we had another ultrasound.  Our little baby is still fighting and his/her heart rate is strong.  He said at this point all we can do is wait.  As long as God allows our little baby to be strong we will continue to fight for this baby.  He didn't want to give us false hope but said there is the chance yet that the fluid could rebuild, I stop bleeding, and we make it to a stage where the baby could live.  IF this is the case we ask for prayers for lung development.  With little fluid it is hard for the baby to grow its lungs.

Andrew and I are emotionally exhausted.  We both try to block out the fact that this is really happening but then it all comes flooding back at different times.  You start thinking of things you never thought you would have to worry about.  Will the baby die inside of me?  What do we name the baby if we don't know if it is a boy or a girl?  I want to know our baby's gender now.  How much does a funeral cost?  Where will we bury our baby? Do you bury a baby this small?  Do we need to have the baby baptized when it is born?  All of these are questions that took over our thoughts but we both continually pushed them away reasoning they didn't need answers until we lost the baby.

This morning (Monday) we had many decisions to make.  Dr. Boyle, another maternal fetal medicine doctor came and met with us.  He also told us that there was nothing we could do at this point for the baby.  The baby would be too small to survive if we were to deliver.  He said it could be a few days or even a couple weeks before I would most likely miscarry.  The first question we asked him was what caused me to rupture.  He answered that most women either miscarry before 12 weeks or they go into preterm labor around 24 weeks or after.  Less than 5% of women have their water break in between those two time frames.  He had no more answers for us.  The usual causes such as blood clot or something wrong with the baby such has his/her brain not divided or an infection did not seem to be the case.  His only guesses were that the membrane around the baby got pinched in development and as the baby grew that created a weak point and it ripped.  Andrew and I proceeded to ask him what I should do in the next few days or weeks.  He said I could go about my daily activities and whatever I was comfortable with because we would not be causing any harm to the baby.  My first thought was "Go about my daily routine....there is no way I am going to be able to focus on anything but this baby.  I am going to fight for this baby as long as God asks me to and our baby keeps fighting." He suggested that we make a follow up appointment with Dr. Grossmann in Orange City so that we could continue to monitor my white blood cell count and check the baby again in a few days.

Thankfully the bleeding all stopped yesterday and therefore we have just be hanging out in our hospital room.  Roni came and spoke with us about whether we wanted to continue to wait at the hospital, get a room at the Ronald McDonald house, or return to our own home.  I think we both ruled out the hospital only because we didn't have a time frame.  If we stayed at the Ronald McDonald house someone would have to be with me 24/7 because I am pregnant.  This would work for maybe a week but then we didn't know who we would have come to stay with me. If I were to miscarry, Dr. Grossmann was now comfortable delivering me in Orange City.  They sent me to Sanford originally because they wanted to make sure we had looked into all of our options for the baby's sake.

We made the decision to return home.  We concluded this would be more comfortable, Andrew would be able to work during the day and still be close if I needed him, and we were comfortable heading to Orange City Hospital when the time came.  We also made the decision to put me on bed rest.  We both want to be reassured that no matter what our outcome - we can be confident that we did everything possible for this baby to survive.  This means I will have to do eight weeks of bed rest to reach 24 weeks gestation for the baby to even be considered viable.  I am ready for the challenge if it means getting to raise my baby!
My sister Deann met us at home and planned to stay for a few days.  As hard as it was to face her, I am glad that she is here and we are able to be together.  God knew we would need her help and maybe that is why she has not found a job yet.  She brought some beautiful roses to welcome us home and to remind us that we are in this journey not only by ourselves but God is by our side. 

Things we ask you to pray for:

1. Strength & patience for us.  We could be waiting to have a healthy baby if we make it far enough.  You have to start somewhere with that process too.  Although odds are that is not the case it is still something we think about.  Or patience for the other end of waiting for days, weeks, possibly months to have this baby and lose it.

2. Health for me and the baby.  The biggest risk right now is me getting an infection.  Since their is no fluid around the baby, infections can get into the membrane, placenta, and in turn into my bloodstream.  If this happens we would have to start things at the hospital and get the baby out in order for them to treat me before I got very sick.  I am monitoring this every 4 hours by taking my temperature.  If it spikes above 100 we are supposed to go in immediately.

3. A miracle - we all know that God is the ultimate miracle worker and he can make anything happen.  If it is His will this baby will be born healthy and survive.  We want you all to know that we are definitely open to that possibility and pray for that to happen but we also want you to be prepared for the worst.  Sometimes you can go full term and the baby still will not survive because the lungs couldn't develop during this crucial stage.  So we are leaving it all in God's hands - either way.



16 weeks - we love this baby so much and we are glad that he/she is still a part of our family after this weekend.




This is the beautiful arrangement Dee brought along.  Three roses along with a baby blanket.